Day 138- Drained and Disturbed

It hit last night. I knew it would hit at some point, but I didn't know when.

The disturbing information I hear on a daily basis has been building since we got here.

I was at a playgroup with some other foreigner moms the other day. One of them was telling me how she had a rough night last night, she's the director of an anti-sex trafficking organization and a 6 year old girl she has been trying to protect was sold by her mom for oral sex. Her own mom put her on the back of a moto with a stranger at 10pm. She was dropped back home at 1am. They know her virginity will be sold within the next few days if they don't stop it.

I teach in an orphanage and I know very little about the stories my students have. I prefer it that way. I hear bits and pieces every now and then and my stomach just turns.

I'm struggling to process it all, the stories and the things I see. I'm not a wimp, I'm far more matter of fact than I am emotional and I have a large capacity for carrying other peoples burdens, but I'm drowning trying to get some perspective on the horror.

And quite frankly, I don't wanna talk about it. I don't wanna think about it. And I don't know what to pray. When I have a minute to myself, I'd much rather zone out with a pack of Oreo's while reading decorating blogs than think about anything.

I feel helpless and hopeless. I am here! And dammit I'm giving it all I got! But in the end my contribution is just a drop in the ocean.

I'm not surprised at my failure to save the world. But I am overwhelmed by the brokenness and the corruption of this country that stole my heart.

So it hit last night. And I couldn't hold it in a minute longer. I wept. My chest cavity ached. My head throbbed. Eyes swelled. I prayed. And when I was able I prayed with words. I'm glad God can interpret our groans.

There is hope, I know there is hope. It's all beyond the rim of my comprehension level right now, but with my last ounce of strength I've got, I'm clinging to the fact that someway, somehow, with Christ there is hope for Cambodia.