Day 47- Plastic Pinecones

I miss Douglas Firs. I miss the way it smells when it's cold and dark out. And you sit in your car waiting for it to warm up, the windows have frost on them, and you turn Christmas music on and shiver till the heat finally comes on, then you drive around feeling safe and warm inside. That is December to me.

It's hot here. I was sweating as I decided upon the plastic tree with pre-attached plastic pinecones. I gawked at the price. A real one would have been cheaper, and smelled better too. But when there's a child involved, you buy the tree, regardless of it's cheap tacky plastic branches. You do the best you can with what you have to make Christmas as enchanting as possible for the little one.

I'm not homesick, in fact I absolutely dread leaving here in 5 months. But as I walked through the bookstore last night picking out assorted holiday decor, I felt my chest become hot with emotions that I fought hard to hold in. I love this place and I don't want to leave, but I'm still allowed to miss home and everything I've ever known. Especially at Christmas.

Someday I'll get the real thing again though. Someday I'll have the snow, the cold, the Douglas Fir, the traditions I dare not speak of to maintain my composure. Someday maybe I'll be back at Little Bear Christmas Tree Farm in Alta, California, chopping down a fresh live tree, we'll tie it to the top of our Volvo and the gorgeous husband will drive us cautiously through the snowy mountain roads to our cozy home nestled on some beautiful street somewhere.

But for now we're here. In hot hot Cambodia, with our plastic tree we brought home on the tuktuk. With our Christmas lights that are more 'Vegas Casino' than 'Merry Christmas'. The air conditioner will be blasting this year as we celebrate our first Christmas just the 2 of us. We're making some wonderful memories; They're very different from the memories I have of Christmas as a child, but hopefully to Ella-Jean they'll be just as sacred. And if it's really all for her then we're doing okay, for she danced and laughed with sincere delight at our gawdy tree in all of its plastic glory.