Real Life

I had an initiation into motherhood moment yesterday....

It was lunchtime and we were in the cafeteria finishing up our meal. I was in a really bad mood, and had already snapped at some people. Fortunately, a few weeks ago I brought a miniature table into the cafeteria "for Ella-Jean". It's extremely convenient on those days when I can't handle looking at another human being, let alone carrying on a forced and boring conversation. We don't always sit at her table, but sometimes we do, and especially when it's one of those days. Which yesterday was. But thats irrelevant.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and set it up on the counter out of her reach. I turned my back for a matter of seconds and when I turned back around I saw a horrific site. My child was standing there soaking wet, shaking and trying to breathe. She had reached up and grabbed my scalding hot cup of coffee and poured it all over herself. Her screams were terrifying. As a mother, you know what each cry means, this one scared me. I yelled a few obscenities in my shock and everything started to move in slow motion. I grabbed her in my arms and held her tight. Trying to calm her. Trying to stay calm myself.

She was grabbing at her ear, writhing in pain. Her eyes were filled with panic and my heart was breaking. Her face, ear and back were badly burned and already begining to swell. Amidst the screaming I quickly tried to assess the situation and decide if an emergency room visit was eminent, or if I could handle this on my own. I had to stay calm, I had to think clearly and quickly, I had to be the firm rock so she would feel safe to crumble in my arms, but underneath my strong exterior I was one breath away from bursting into tears and losing all composure. As a parent, it's like you're always supposed to know what to do, but the truth is I don't always know. And in those moments, I pray and ask for wisdom, but the world is still on my shoulders. And the world is pretty damn heavy sometimes.

People around us were advising me to take her in despite our lack of health insurance, so we started to walk back to the dorm to get our car and head towards the hospital. But when we got to our room, I stripped her naked, gave her a popsicle, set her on the bed, put her favorite movie on and lathered her in burn cream. I talked to an EMT on the phone and he said as long as there werent any blisters, she was okay. So we sat there peacefully as she sucked her popsicle watching It Takes Two for the billionth time, and I prayed, while texting other people and asking them to pray too. Within a few hours, she looked like a different child. Almost all the redness was gone, the swelling was gone, and she was back to her normal goofy self. I breathed a sigh of relief, and life just went on as usual.....