I have Social Anxiety Disorder. I diagnosed myself, but it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. It comes in waves of severity, and sometimes seems to dissapear entirely, but it's always there, lurking under the surface. It prevents me from returning emails, calls, and sometimes even simple text messages. Regular everyday human contact, which comes so naturally to some people, causes an intense amount of stress in me. Not all the time though, just sometimes. I ignore people, and then I feel bad, which causes me to ignore them even longer. This is not an issue of confidence or insecurity, please don't be confused. And generally it has zero reflection on how I feel towards the person. It is more a fear of expectation. They're expecting something from me and I'm not sure I can deliver, so why even bother? I see the selfishness in it all, but that doesn't make it any easier to overcome. If you suffer from this, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's about the best explanation I can give. Now you know, if I've ever not responded, why I haven't. And hopefully you'll have grace on me. I'm doing the best I can in life, just like everyone else.
On another note: There seems to be 3 predominant thoughts swirling through this head of mine; my love for blogging, my yearning for a roadtrip, and pondering the reality of marriage....you think it's really all it's cracked up to be?
I'd steal this man's seat, given the opportunity.....
Marriage is one of the most difficult things I live with every day... if that makes any sense. It takes an intense amount of work that I think no one can really be prepared for beforehand... but it is so very, very worth it. =)
ReplyDeleteMarriage is the daily act of choosing to keep loving. It does take work, but if youre in love with who you marry, the work part comes naturally. Choose to laugh at crap together and enjoy!
ReplyDeleteThis is Tiff...couldnt get my account up!
I am so going to agree with Jennie and Tiff. Marriage is hard work, but sometimes it is so easy. The hardest part is meeting the one person you want to be with forEVER!
ReplyDeleteI hope your social anxiety gets better with time. I like to be a little hermit crab at times. So I am sorry if I avoid you or don't reach out often :)
I want to know where the light inside that tent is coming from...
ReplyDeleteI so could relate to this bit:
ReplyDelete"Regular everyday human contact, which comes so naturally to some people, causes an intense amount of stress in me. Not all the time though, just sometimes. I ignore people, and then I feel bad, which causes me to ignore them even longer. This is not an issue of confidence or insecurity, please don't be confused. And generally it has zero reflection on how I feel towards the person. It is more a fear of expectation. They're expecting something from me and I'm not sure I can deliver, so why even bother? I see the selfishness in it all, but that doesn't make it any easier to overcome."
I don't think I have social anxiety disorder but definitely have issues in that arena that are connected to expectations whether perceived/projected or legitimate, esp with family which is why I keep most of them at arm's length but there are other issues mixed in with that to be sure.
I guess it's just another opportunity for God's strength to shine through our weaknesses.
xoxo